DAN KOPPEN: Hi, Tom! Wow, I can’t believe how awesome this public appearance stuff is! Thanks for inviting me!
TB: Dan. What’s with the tuck? You’re so tightly wrapped, I could drop a quarter on your belly and it would boomarang back. No one tucks, Dan. That was last century.
DK: Huh? Wha…?
TOM BRADY: And a white oxford? Dan, I’ve said this before: You need something slimming. White is not slimming.
DK: Geez, I thought I looked clean and neat. Doesn’t this say I’m a good guy? That I’m trustworthy and dependable?
DK: Oh. Um. Uhhh, … geez.
TB: You could’ve been one of the great ones, Dan. I look at you and see … well, I don’t see myself. I mean, honestly, no way you could reach that level. But, you know, if you clean up, what’s Sean Avery got that you don’t?
TB: I GAVE you an Audi Q7 SUV! I GAVE you a chance to shine! I gave you EVERYTHING! A White oxford tucked into khaki chinos AND A BLACK BELT? — I open the door for you and THIS is how you pay me back?
DK: I don’t know. I guess I’m just an offensive lineman. As much as I want to be Tom Brady, I’ll always be just an offensive lineman.
TB: It’s all about looking good, kid. The rest is conversation.