With the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi all wrapped up, we wanted to take a look back at the most impressive looks. (And we mean impressive in the dictionary sense of “to leave an impression.”) The looks are ranked from Gold to Did-Not-Finish. And if the medals look a little off-color, that’s because we use the bacon medal system, as imagined by American snowboarder Sage Kotsenburg, who, upon receiving a gold, Tweeted “Ahh I wish the Sochi medals were made out of bacon thoooo..!!” Godshall’s Meats in Pennsylvania and Conan O’Brien made his dream a reality, and we are honoring that dream, because it’s tastier than gold (and tastier than Chicken McNuggets, for that matter). On with the awards…
His workwear is a bulky armor of hydrophobic synthetic leather, closed-cell foam and plastic, but Sweden’s goaltender Henrik Lundquist (who plays for the New York Rangers when he works professionally on these shores) cuts a dapper figure in his off-hours. In Sochi, he showed off a suit and urbane overcoat at sea-level, and made nice use of Team Sweden and H&M gear for the cooler altitudes. His team went home with silver, but we’re awarding him a Gold.
The closing ceremonies are always a melting pot of multiculturalism. This year, that meant passing the torch to South Korean town of Pyeongchang for the 2018 games. Plus, this little dance troupe managed to invoke both David Bowie and curling in these inspired clown sweeper outfits. Solid silver.
Norway Men’s Curling Team
Love ‘em or hate ‘em, the Norway Men’s Curling team made a bold, iconic display with their garish, go-to-hell Loudmouth golf pants. And, for fans of sports lore and superstition, the team wore a different design for every single one of their nine round robin matches. When they were forced into a sudden death tie-breaker against Great Britain, they ran out of designs. So they re-wore their paint splatter designed pants–and lost. Look out for an endless variety of patterns at Pyeongchang. Gold.
Had he medaled, Swedish freestyle skier Henrik Harlaut’s decision to bare all while being hurled through the air would have been deemed genius, a savvy, aerodynamic calculation that created just enough drag to help him complete the last 120 degrees of a double-cork 1260. But he didn’t, so here’s a gif…
Right, we weren’t big fans at first either. But, after the Polo Ralph Lauren’s “Made-In-China” debacle during the London games in 2012, they made good on their pledge to deliver a uniform that was completely Made in the USA. According to the LA Times, “Wool for the opening ceremony sweater [...] came from a sheep farm in Oregon and was spun in Pennsylvania. The yarn was then dyed in North Carolina before landing in the Parks’ factory.” The Parks, naturalized American citizens from South Korea, were responsible for the construction and knitting of each garment, and their Ball of Cotton factory in LA spent 12+ hours on each sweater. The Parks themselves bought a new big screen TV and a big order of El Pollo Loco take-out to enjoy their handiwork on the Opening Ceremonies broadcast. That sounds like a Gold for the US, plain and simple.